Everyday, as I'm focusing more and more on God, I realize how all of this is all about God and not about me. I also realize how selfish I have been my whole life. Coming into DTS, I was thinking about how good DTS would be for me to get closer to God and heal me and for me to be able to establish good quiet times, and though these are some good reasons, it was all for me, me, me. God has been humbling me and showing me how I must decrease so that He may increase. He has me here for a much greater purpose. I am to become a living sacrifice for my King. It's not so much what God can do for me, it's what I can do for Him, or what He can do through me to bless others. It's not my skin and how I can save it, it's how I can spend it, for His glory. Outreach will stretch me and bless me, but it's not for me. It's so much more than that, it's all for the glory of God and who God will use me to bless. God has been giving me so many amazing opportunities here at YWAM to pray over people and encourage others and it is just so refreshing to finally start living a poured out life. I'm to be made strong, not just for me, but for His glory, so I can take all these messages to those who are hurting and need it. God is blessing me so that I can become a blessing to the nations. I'm rescued so I can become a rescuer. His pattern is to make me strong so that I'm useful. I'm not just learning about God for my own benefit and salvation, I'm to see to it that His Kingdom comes to earth. There is a dying world out there, and I'm not gonna sit by anymore in self-pity, trying to overcome my issues. God is giving me victory over my struggles for a reason - so I can rise above selfish mediocrity and stand for the least.
In the past few months, I've been learning and researching a lot about the needs around the world. It was new and shocking for me to find that human slavery is higher today than it ever has been before - ever, in all of history! There are 27 million slaves, 2 million of which are young children who are forced into slave prostitution; most of them die young due to AIDS. There are 246 million exploited children today through the sex industry, the drugs industry, the arms dealership industry, the pornography industry, the child labor industry - 246 million children forced to live like that! There are children in parts of the world who are forced to kill their younger siblings, who are raped by men who are infected with HIV, or are forced to watch their parents be killed in front of them. There are 146 million orphans. There are street children who are treated worse than dogs and are slaughtered daily. The need around the world is absolutely staggering. Up until a few months ago I had been so blind to what is going around me in the world. I hope outreach will open my eyes further to the needs of people suffering and in poverty because I'm sick of living a self-focused lifestyle in America. I need to stop daily and evaluate my life. Am I living for self, or am I living a poured out life, willing to give up everything for the least and lost around the world? I've lived in selfishness for far to long. These are God's children that are being treated so wrongly, and I am to be their intercessor because I am His hands and His feet, and who else will go? One of my favorite missionaries, Jackie Pullinger, said that when you hear about a need, a tragedy or trauma, you can't just assume that someone else is going to meet that need, because what if God placed that information right in front of you so you can be the one to meet that need. I need to stop and ask God what He would have me do. Now that I have opened my eyes to the needs around me, I will never be able to be satisfied with the self indulgent American life again. Whatever I do after DTS, whether it be missions photography, art therapy, or something else God puts on my heart, I want to do something to meet these needs. Even if it is as simple as intercessory prayer or sponsoring more children. I have been so blessed by supporting a little girl from Brazil named Leylany through Compassion International. It makes me consider how I'm really spending my money. Instead of spending all of it on myself, on shopping sprees, on worthless stuff, what if I change my perspective and ask how much can I give? Just $38 a month can save a starving child, and allow them to hear the Gospel.
There's an acronym for my name that I want to start living up to. JOY: Jesus first, Others second, Yourself last. Because if it's not in this order, I'm not living up to who God created me to be. The more I learn about Jesus and contemplate how a surrendered, set apart life of total abandonment to Christ should look like, the easier it becomes to let go of everything I've been clinging onto and just give everything up and let God take all my burdens and fill me with His spirit. Dying to self is painful, but so rewarding. I love the gospel life! Because I've been full of joy daily. I can wake up in the morning and greet God and say, "I love you", and know that He's going to walk with me throughout the day. He's gonna carry me, He's going to enable me, that He's going to give me everything I need to live a poured out, set apart surrendered life, because He is good, He is loving, and He is worthy of glory.
I've been thinking lately about You. When it hit me from nowhere, out of the gray. Everything's been coming together. Now that I've moved beyond myself and wrapped my head around something else. It's not about me, it's gotta be about You.
To God alone be the glory
To God alone be the praise
Everything I say and do
Let it be all for You
The glory is Yours alone
No comments:
Post a Comment