This last week was extremely emotional and spiritually exhausting for a lot of people. We searched through our life's timeline and dug deep into uncovering hurts and suppressed wounds that we buried alive and didn't deal with and allow Christ to heal. We learned about the father heart of God, about His authority, faithfulness, generosity, affection, attentiveness, and acceptance. We also spent time uncovering lies that were planted in our life and rebuked them through spiritual warfare. I came out of this week feeling very blessed with how God has protected me. A lot of my DTS mates have faced traumatic experiences in their past. Many were abused or told by their parents or teachers that they were stupid and would never amount to anything. I'm so blessed to have parents who have supported me my whole life, who encourage me and love me unconditionally. Many people don't have that. Also, all the teachers I've had have been very affirmative towards me. When the speaker wanted us to look back on our life and think of a specific incident, person, and the lie they spoke that wounded us, I couldn't think of a single time (other than sibling fights from childhood, but it's not like those leave scaring wounds). I found that all the lies I have believed about myself has been stuff coming from me, lies I've told myself. I tend to be really hard on myself. I've really been working on overcoming the lie of feeling like I don't have anything to offer, that I'm insufficient. I feel that it not only hurts me, but everyone around me because I hold back so much of the time. I don't say things that God is putting on my heart to say, I don't offer my opinion on things, I don't fully participate in groups. God has been shedding light on that lie and telling me that I have so much to offer, He has given me wisdom and I have things to share that no one else does, I have the ability to be a huge blessing in other people's lives if I would just speak up and do something, rather than just sit in the background observing. So I really feel like I'm supposed to step out, be bold, take risks, and just put myself out there and be more vulnerable. I think the biggest mistakes I make are not doing things that I shouldn't do, it's in not doing things that I should do. It's ignoring God's voice telling me to say something or do something, because I feel like it won't matter and I can't make an impact. God's been setting me free from this lie and it was amazing to walk through the process of rebuking lies with my teammates this week.
I'm really trying to put into practice "wherever you are, be all there". I've been getting tired and losing motivation easily, and have been looking to the next things and am wanting to leave for outreach already. I need to just stop and live where I'm at. I need to focus on each day, and not wish them by. Pray that I would have tenacity and perseverance in the coming weeks. That I would just keep pressing and keep pressing and not give up and that I would have God's supernatural strength to focus and live each day to its fullest potential.
He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
And oh, how He loves us.
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