Self Care

How do you do self-care…

Loving yourself so you can love others…

For those fighting on the fields of injustice…

“How do you do self-care?” A few friends have come to me over the last months with this question. I am walking through this process myself, and have learned that self-care is vital for anyone involved in ministering to the brokenhearted. I have been through my fair share of burnout (the gap between what the helper expects from herself to do and what she in reality is able to do), compassion fatigue (parallel trauma symptoms that helpers may develop in working with traumatized victims), and secondary/vicarious trauma (which are the negative changes that can take pace in trauma workers across time). Vicarious trauma “is the emotional residue of exposure that counselors have from working with people as they are hearing their trauma stories and become witnesses to the pain, fear, and terror that trauma survivors have endured” (American Counseling Association). There are many contributing factors to burnout, and it may not be from a single event, but the accumulation over a long period of time. For those working cross-culturally overseas, the risks of burnout increase, as you have added stressors in different cultures, language barriers, and are taken away from old support systems.

I have had the privilege to observe the operations of several NGOs combating human trafficking in various locations around the globe, and serve alongside brave-hearted heroes in the field. The issue of keeping our hearts in the midst of difficult crises and care-giving is a question that should be observed and explored. When we are continually exposed to pain and trauma and have an open door to feeling everything in its fullest extent all the time, pain will inevitably have an effect on us, and we will slowly being to justify despair and depression as a means of empathy and identification with suffering. We can subconsciously become used to pain when living in crisis all the time. Pain can cause us to dissociate, and the symptoms our clients experience can start to affect us too. It is important to know how to be present with someone in their pain, but to also know our own story and how to protect our heart and give Jesus our burdens.

We are to carry others’ burdens and weep with those who weep, but we must stay anchored in hope. Hope is kindled through meditation on the promises of God and the coming redemption and resurrection. Hope flourishes in us when the Word of God dwells in our heart richly. Those in the field of psychology/counseling/social work cannot make the mistake of thinking they can council themselves and diagnose their own issues – we all need support, even counselors need counselors, and having a support network is vital for making it through the long haul. We can say yes to feel what God feels, as His heart breaks over injustice, and we can allow pain to touch us because we know He will preserve and keep us. When we fellowship with Christ in suffering and carrying the burden of His heart, we will know Him in the joy and power of His resurrection. We can keep pressing through the heaviness, knowing that in our weakness His strength is made perfect, that we are empowered by the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead, and that we will come up from the wilderness leaning upon our Good Shepherd.

Isaiah 58 became a rock under my feet that sustained me through several months of teaching in a safe house in Cambodia, working with children at-risk in Thailand, ministering to those caught in slavery on the streets of Brazil, and listening to the stories of hurting strippers in Minneapolis wishing to be free of drug addictions and abusive relationships. I clung to the promises that as I do justice and love mercy and walk humbly with God, then my light shall break forth like the dawn, my healing shall quickly appear, my righteousness shall go before me and the glory of the Lord shall be my rear guard. I shall call and the Lord will answer, I shall cry and He will say “Here I am”, my light shall rise in the darkness and my gloom be as the noonday. The Lord will guide me continually and satisfy my desire in scorched places. He will make my bones strong and I shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water whose waters do not fail. My ancient ruins will be rebuilt and I shall raise up the foundations of many generations. I shall be called the repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in.

Healthy boundaries are necessary for keeping your heart through the process. When things become too much to bear, a safe retreat is good, and the Lord will continue to carry those He has shared with you to carry. We must call the Sabbath a delight (Isaiah 58). Rest is how we keep our connection with God. When we rest, God works and fights for us, for the battle truly is the Lord’s. Abide in God. He is bigger than you, than trauma, than any issue of injustice. Sabbath rest is a command, not a suggestion or a luxury. We must humble ourselves, acknowledging that we are not the great abolitionist who can save everyone – that would be Jesus. We are in need of a constant filling of the Holy Spirit, for He is the spirit of Hope. When we enter into His presence, we enter into hope and joy. “In His presence is fullness of joy, at His right hand are pleasures forevermore” (Psalm 16:11). Keeping our heart requires a constant dialogue with Jesus. We must give our pain and burdens to Him and trust Him for our own healing like we trust Him for the healing of others. We must value our self in the midst of valuing others, and we don’t have to feel guilty about this. It can feel like the needs around us are so much more important, but we don’t have to compare our needs, because they are important to the Father.

We need intentional things worked into our lifestyle that help us process the pain and remember to rest. Feed your soul through art and things you like to do. Identify and stay involved in things that inspire you and are most beautiful to you (e.g. fine arts, dance, literature, travel, nature, family, friendships). Relax (e.g. massage therapy, taking a bath, breathing techniques, read a book). Create (e.g. pottery, gardening, artwork, crafts, writing, refurbish antiques). Exercise to release anger and intense feelings. Pay attention to your needs for consistency in sleep, diet and nutrition, and physical exercise. Listen to music and worship. Our spirits are musical, intricately connected to His in this way.  Melody goes deeper than words and ongoing communion with God happens here.

Dear friend, if you feel stretched thin, running on empty, at the end of your rope, know that this too shall come to pass. “And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you” (1 Peter 5:10). Let’s continually entrust ourselves and others to the Faithful One who is more committed to our well-being and to those we are ministering to than we could ever be. Don’t lose heart. There is a day coming when the wrong things will be made right. There are things still yet unseen that are eternal; as we continue to carry afflictions before the Lord we can know that there is an even greater glory working for the Kingdom.

“Weeping may endure through the night, but joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5).

“So then, those who suffer according to God’s will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good” (1 Peter 4:19).

“But the Lord is faithful. He will establish you and guard you against the evil one” (2 Thessalonians 3:3).

“The LORD will keep you from all evil; he will keep your life. The LORD will keep your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forevermore” (Psalm 121:7-8).

“Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies, and your right hand delivers me” (Psalm 138:7).

“In the fear of the Lord there is strong confidence, And His children will have a place of refuge”(Proverbs 14:26). 

“Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16).