Well, it’s my last day in Kona! At 4 a.m. I’ll be flying off to have my adventure in Cambodia! Looking back on the past three months spent here in Kona, I see that God has been teaching me a lot about what His purpose for me is, and what it means to rest in Him, to stop striving in my own strength, and to let Him live through me and do the work.
I came here really wanting to find my purpose in life. Am I to go into missions full-time? Should I take Photography with YWAM after DTS? Should I go back to college? What should my major be? What is God’s will for my life? God gave me those answers, and He is leading me back to college to study psychology and art, but more importantly, God has been showing me that those things aren’t even that relevant in the scheme of things. His purpose for me is to ABIDE! No matter what path I walk down, my purpose is to abide in Him daily and that’s what makes all the difference. I had gotten so caught up in trying to uncover God’s will that I took my eyes off Him and put my focus on myself and my life and trying to figure things out quickly in my own time schedule. Abiding in Him: leaning upon His strength every moment and allowing His grace to shape me more into His likeness during every scene of life’s drama; finding the meaning of life in Him, finding my value and confidence in Him, finding my purpose and direction in Him, finding the source for all spiritual achievement in Him, finding the strength to live each moment in Him, finding the wisdom to navigate the many turns of life in Him, finding forgiveness from all my sins in Him, finding the satisfaction of boundless joy in Him, finding the most glorious peace in Him, finding the most perfect love and acceptance in Him, finding the most satisfying life for all eternity in Him – to abide in Christ means to allow His life to possess me at all times and in every situation life brings. Not my will, but His be done.
I need to stop striving in my own strength to accomplish things. I need to stop trying to be perfect and just allow God to love me and capture my heart. I need to stop asking myself how can I showcase the character of God (in my own strength), and just ask God to live through me and shape me and give me His strength to accomplish these things in me. He has supernatural grace, strength, energy, and confidence to offer me, and all I need to do is ask. Psalm 81:10, “Open your mouth wide, and I will fill it.” I just have to simply ask and wait with expectancy to receive supernatural strength. God will then provide everything I need for life and godliness – He promises. I’ve noticed that when I go through extra-intense seasons of life, it presents an amazing opportunity to strengthen my prayer life and dependence upon God. It’s a chance to see His power and faithfulness at work. It’s a chance to open my mouth wide and let Him fill it. Cambodia is going to be challenging, and I know I won’t know what to say or do in a lot of situations, so I’m fully expecting God to live through me at those moments. I know I am weak and I don’t have it all together and I never will, but I think that is where God steps in and really begins to work through me and perform miracles to show His glory.
I’ve been learning about flesh versus spirit. “Human compassion is a virtue in the Christian community, but this is not the kind of compassion God is looking for. Righteousness produced by the flesh is, like Paul said, only a pile of dirty rags...or a pile of dung. It’s worthless in God’s eyes! God’s definition of compassion needs to become our definition of compassion. He wants to give us His bleeding heart and His breaking heart for the lost. But we need to be governed and harnessed by His spirit to go do that task. Because you know how big that task is? It’s bigger than us... It is sooo big and sooo vast. You could have a thousand things on your plate that could bleed your heart dry, and unless you know what God wants you to be doing, you will be wasting your time. You will not be making an eternal difference! The point of this life is not just about human compassion; it’s about being led and directed by the Spirit of God to do exactly what He calls you to do. If He calls you to do something, there will be eternal consequences as a result, because it was born out of the spirit of God.” – Eric Ludy. If something is born out of my own spirit of compassion, it’s going to fall empty. So my purpose is to ABIDE! My purpose is to know God intimately. When I do, my unique role in this great drama on planet earth will begin to unfold and God will direct my path. When I make my focus Him, not just what I should be doing, when I make my focus Him and say, “God I am Yours! I am here to know You!” And as I continue to focus on Him, He will be faithful to reveal all these things... a major, a career, a ministry; all these things will come into focus. But they need to be born out of the abiding life of Jesus Christ. I have seen the reality of the shallowness of my own compassion and self-effort. And it is a pile of trash to God. I need to be consumed with the compassion of Christ.
God is sending me to Cambodia, but it’s not because of my talents, my interest, my compassion, my skills, or my planning that I am going there. It’s all about Him! He wants me to go there to see His bleeding heart, to learn more about loving through Him, about abiding in Him... about living His compassion. God doesn’t ask us to have the skills, He doesn’t ask us to have the strength, He doesn’t even ask us to make the plan. He simply asks, “Are you willing to surrender; to be cleansed and equipped by My power and then to go and follow in My footsteps to reach the lost?” I have a feeling that outreach will be one of the most impacting experiences of my entire life. Please pray that I will not rely on my own weak human compassion, but on His unfailing mercy, strength, and love.
(check update on www.teamkampuchea.wordpress.com for some prayer requests)
"Strength of my heart, I need not fail,
Not mind to fear but to obey,
With such a Leader, who could quail?
Thou art as Thou wert yesterday.
Strength of my heart, I rest in Thee,
Fulfil Thy purposes through me."
- Amy Charmichael
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