The Road Goes Ever On And On…

My last week in Siem Reap is over :(  I thought this week would never come. Outreach flew by! And what an amazing, life-changing experience it has been! I will never forget my time in Cambodia and all the things God has revealed to me here. I have loved outreach and have also gotten so much more out of it than my weeks of lecture in Hawaii. I’ll try to condense the main things God has taught me throughout my outreach in this post…

God has been teaching me so much daily as I spend time in His presence. In His presence is fullness of joy! God has been giving me so much strength and has guided me through every step of my journey. God has been shaping me more into His reflection everyday as I depend on Him for everything. He has been teaching me so much about dying to self and allowing Him to reign in me, and living through His strength alone and letting Him shine through my life.

Corrie Ten Boom: “Self is a tight lock. I see many decent sinners who are in spiritual prison because their self is on the throne of their hearts and Jesus is on the cross. Liberation comes when Jesus cleanses our hearts with His blood and comes to the throne and self goes to the cross.”

Amy Carmichael: “If it were possible to poll all the missionaries who have worked in all the world in all of Christian history, it would be seen that missionary work, most of the time, offers little that could be called glamour. What is does offer is ‘a chance to die’”.

Those quotes are what God has turned to reality in my life. God gave me the chance to die to myself in Cambodia, so I could learn to live through Him and depend on His strength and not my own. One of my favorite Bible verses this past year was Philippians 4:13, “I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” I really learned the meaning of this verse on outreach. God showed me that I can learn to be content no matter my circumstances. By living in surrender and praising God through storms, by reflecting on His faithfulness, by crying out to Him for help in times of need, He gives strength. God always comes through for those who seek His face and persevere in faith. It is ok for me to be uncomfortable, to be stretched, to walk through hard things, because God is always right there holding my hand, and He will give me everything I need to live a life of strength in Him. God has shown me how to embrace challenges, learn from them, and grow stronger through them by asking Him to break me and reveal my weakness so He can step in and receive glory by giving me strength and wisdom, and living through me. I felt God’s strength living though me so much during outreach. I never got burnt out. Whenever I felt tired or started to lose motivation, I asked God to strengthen me, and He was always faithful to do so, every single time. My God is my strong Shepherd and will carry me through any struggle and restore my soul.

Exodus 33:14, “My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Looking back on my life, I’ve really only been living for Christ for the past one of two years of my life, even though I had thought I was always a follower of God. So much of my walk with God was striving to be perfect, doing things in my own strength, doing things out of legalism. My identity was not found in Christ. I didn’t get what Christianity was all about or what it looked like to deny self, take up my cross, and follow Christ. I kept searching, but always felt empty, defeated, and disillusioned with the kind of Christianity that I saw around me. It was about a year ago when God radically got a hold of my life and opened my eyes and heart. I realized that I had always treated God like a servant; when I wanted Him, I called for Him, when I was about to do something important, I asked Him to come and help me perform my task. I used God only as a servant to help me in my self-appointed work. But God showed me that being a Christian means I give up my life in exchange for His. Living a life of absolute surrender means it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. I realized I had to die to self and surrender my plans for my life, and give God the pen to my story. God took me through a process of cleansing my inner life, of surrendering my dreams to Him, of repenting of habitual sins, of getting rid of everything in my life that was not pleasing to Him. I realized that the sooner I stopped trusting in my own ability, the sooner God was able to begin working in and through my life. Trying to live a supernatural life in my own strength caused me to feel overwhelmed, stressed, and exhausted. But through dependence on God and living through His strength, I learned to let go of my burdens so I could be free to run and not grow weary. I started reading my Bible and praying not out of a sense of duty, but from an outflow of love and because I desired to. I learned that God is far less concerned about what I do for Him than He is about my passion to simply be with Him. He isn’t impressed with numbers or achievements like the world is. He is moved by my daily act of surrender. The most important thing is to abide in Christ; to remain in Him and center every decision around Him. I have learned that I don’t have to strive for perfection, God only desires for me to rest in Him.

Abide in Me… Christianity is about an abiding, ongoing relationship with Jesus. John 15:4, “Remain in Me, and I will remain in you.” I’ve been meditating a lot on the parable of the vine and the branches in John 15. It’s easy to come up with formulas for following God; complex belief systems that help to clarify why He puts us on this earth. But the answer to finding life’s purpose is much simpler than we imagine… ABIDE. To allow His life to possess me at all times and in every situation life brings… Hearing God’s voice and knowing His will… This is something I struggled a lot with during my freshman year of college; trying to figure out what I wanted to major in and what career I wanted to pursue. I got so stressed about making these decisions and constantly had anxiety and felt pressure to make a fast decision - and make the right one! It’s easy to get caught up in seeking answers rather than in simply seeking Him. Decisions are important, but I became so caught up in trying to make them that I failed to bring my entire existence under the control of God. When I abide in Christ, all the other pieces in my life seem to just supernaturally fall into place. Matt 6:33, “Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” The more I abide in Christ and practice His presence, the less I have to wonder about what specific steps He wants me to take in life. I will just know. I will become tuned to God’s whisper and direction upon my life. The more I fall in love with Jesus, the more my will shall align with His will. The more I personally know Jesus, the more I will know what He desires. I know my God, and therefore, I know His voice. When I need to make a decision and no answers seem to be coming my way, I need to take my focus off of solving the problem and simply spend time in the presence of my King. As I focus on Him, answers become clear. As I abide in His presence, a holy instinct guides my steps. I think the reason I struggled so much in trying to figure out God’s will was because I was clouded by the fog of part-time Christianity. I must determine that every day, every hour, every minute, will revolve around Him, not me.

Jim Elliot once said, “Wherever you are, be all there.” Meaning, live in the moment, enjoy now, live each opportunity that God sets before you to its fullest. Being discontent with where I’m at was something I always used to struggle with. I always looked to the next thing. I focused on my next step, and forgot to just take a breath and look up at where I was in the present. I missed so many opportunities because I wasn’t focused on where I was, but where I was going. I worried so much about what I would do next, or was just discontent with where I was. This goes along with finding true contentment in Christ no matter the circumstance. I’ve really learned how to live in the present and live every opportunity to its fullest. God fills me with contentment no matter where I’m at, I just have to rest in Him and trust that He will direct my next steps without me focusing all my time on trying to figure it out.

Something I learned that I hope will really stick with me as I go back home is: this is just the beginning of outreach. Outreach doesn’t end with my last week in Siem Reap. My whole life is an outreach. I’m always supposed to be looking for opportunities to share the Gospel, to be Christ’s hands and feet to the world, to display His character in the way that I live every moment of every day. You are only as holy as you are in your own home.. I need to always be growing in Christian character, not only on mission trips, but at home, and at university, or wherever I go next. There is so much more to learn! I have taken just one small step onto the endless frontier. God has so much more in store for me if I keep tenaciously pursuing Him and His Kingdom. I must not pitch my tent once I go home. I must always live as a poured out sacrifice for my King; resting in His presence, and taking obedient action to any opportunity He places before me.

Something else God has taught me is to cling to His promises; to believe that what I read in His Word is for me and I can stand on it as fact and know that it can apply to my life. I’ve really taken to heart one of my favorite quotes by Oswald Chambers, “When obedience is in the ascendant, when you deliberately choose to obey God, He will tax the remotest star and the last grain of sand to assist you with all His almighty power.”

As for my ministry experiences, I now have experienced a wide variety of different ministries. My main ministry was working in the safe house, but I also got a glimpse of many different ministries. These past two months of working with Senhoa have been a very impacting, exciting, and life-changing experience that I’ll never forget. Being able to volunteer and help out in the safe house has been such a privilege. Through teaching different classes (English, life skills, arts & crafts, sports) I have also been taught much. I have learned how to lesson plan, be flexible, and do the best I can with what I’ve been given. The main thing I have been in charge of is the arts & crafts lessons. Art is one of my passions, and I loved being able to use it in the teaching. The girls have also taught me so much. Even though they have been through so many struggles in their life, they are always laughing and smiling. I have learned that I have much to be thankful for. I am thankful for the education I have had, and the education I still have yet to receive when I return to university in the fall. This has been an eye-opening experience, working one-on-one with young girls who are victims of sex-trafficking or who are from the community and are living in circumstances where they may be at risk. I have had a heart for this, and want to pursue a degree in art therapy, so this has been an opportune time to be at a place like Rapha House and work with the Senhoa girls. I hope to do more work like this in the future. It has been an amazing experience that I’ll always look back on and smile when I remember each face. 

My pace is set

My gain is fast

My goal is heaven

My road is narrow

My way is rough

My companions are few

My guide reliable

My mission clear